Nana wrote a note and posted it on the hostel memo board. She and Hannah had been in San Diego long enough to be known by the all the workers and most of the guests as well. So when they told everyone they were leaving it was a buss and the shops nearby were emptied from alcohol. It was going to be quite a party, everyone was determined this would be talked about for a couple of weeks at least.

   John didn’t plan to get wasted. But the atmosphere being what it was, he found himself drinking way too heavy and not actually caring about it. Thomas was already ready to dance on the table and Nana and Hannah were mainly screaming and laughing, looking cute with Greg and Wayne dancing with them. John felt jealous and decided to go pick Hannah to himself.

   Wayne was drinking to forget that Nana was actually and for real going. Their relationship did not seem deep on the surface, but for the first time in his life he felt that he had found his equal, a person with whom he could share all his dreams and all his funny moments without any signs of unhealthy addiction. They were independent people that loved sharing their days and their nights. And now it had all come to an end. They would meet later, of course, as travellers they would run into each other. But he just couldn’t handle the idea that Nana would be gone for a day, a week, a year, and she might find someone else, and he would have to return to Australia, sweet, comfortable, safe and boring Australia and think of her now and then. There was a plan forming in his mind, but he wasn’t drunk enough to carry it out just yet.

   Hannah wanted to forget John, and he wanted to be with John. He was taking over her mind. He was wrong in most of his opinions, but what was that next to the fact that he was the love of her life, at least in her drunken mind. He was handsome, she wanted her so badly, they had a lot of fun together and she felt they could give so much to each other. They would fit it all together, somehow, even though they were from different continents, she was an adventurer and he was going to be a success in his life, they would somehow manage that.

   Thomas was still feeling bad about Alice. It could’ve been such a great start to his trip abroad, and now it was just wrecking his mood. Besides, he couldn’t understand why she had done what she had done. He would’ve wanted to do the same, find a girl, maybe Nana if she wasn’t too serious with that Wayne, or maybe someone else, and make the world know that he could go on. But the fact was, he couldn’t. He was dancing, he was drinking, and he just hoped he wouldn’t start crying.

  Nana was in love with Wayne, that was clear. It had definitely crossed her mind more than once, after she had agreed to go with Hannah, whether they would ever meet again. She was sad, really, really sad, but on the other hand also in a way relieved. She was afraid she would start feeling too much for this boy, who could, with a day’s notice, leave her and go back home to the other side of the world. It would be too much. She would have to go before it would start to be way too much. But just for tonight she would dance and be happy and love Wayne with all her positive emotions.

   “Hannah!” John went to interrupt the dancing group. “Do you think we have enough drinks? I think we should go get some more”

   “There is none anywhere…” Nana started, but Hannah was nodding enthusiastically.

   “I think that’s a great idea”, she started walking towards the nearest shopping street looking a little unstable. John took her arm to keep her from falling down.

   “I can manage!” Hannah laughed and turned at him. There was a moment of hesitation, but then John resolutely pulled her forward out of the way of the others. Somehow they managed to get to the street. John started getting out his id and money.

   “You know, we did buy all the alcohol from the area, we won’t need and we won’t get no more from anywhere”, Hannah stammered.

   “Oh. Yeah. I knew, I just… I got caught with my own excuse. He started putting his id back to his pocket, but Hannah interrupted him.

   “Let me see!” She went through his passport and stopped on the page with the photo and the information. “Oh my god. Are you actually John Smith? No way” Se laughed and lost her balance. John caught her.

   “Yeah, why?”

   “Because… Oh my god, I can’t believe this! Because I’m actually not Hannah, my whole name is Pocahontas, my hippie parents wanted to call me that. So we’re direct from history or a Disney movie”

   “No way you’re actually Pocahontas, what sort of name is that? I want to see your passport”

   “I don’t have it with me, but I’ll show it one day. You should believe me, though”

   “Why should I believe you?”

   “Because I tell nothing but the truth, ever”

   “That’s impressive” John had led them to an empty side street. “So, what do you actually think about me?”

   “John…”

   “No lies, it was, right?”

   “Fuck you”

   “Is that what you think? Why did you come with me, then?”

   “You don’t get me. I like you, in fact I think I’m obsessed with you, and yes, I do want to fuck you, that’s a truth. This whole thing would worry me a lot, if I wasn’t this drunk”

   “Hannah…”

   “Are we getting to the phase with lustful sighs or are you going to grant me my wish? Your room, mine or the beach?”

   “You, gosh Hannah, are you sure this is a good idea?”

   “John, live! We can worry about it later. Like in the car, tomorrow, with the hangover”

   “But, Hannah…”

   “If you’re not going to fuck me, I’m going back. See, I’m going back”

   John tried to stop her, but she was on her way already, decidedly walking towards the party.

   “Hannah, I want to talk to you, it’s not that I don’t want to, you know, have sex with you, but I want to talk with you first, I want this to last longer and be more than just sex, you’re wonderful…”

   Hannah kept walking without turning around.

   Meanwhile Thomas had lost his hopes about Nana while watching him and Wayne dance, kiss, dance and kiss in their own world without noticing anything else around them. Nana was happier than ever, she was drunk, she was with a gorgeous man who clearly liked her, more than liked her, adored her and wanted her. For once someone was there when she left, desperately wanting her to stay.

   “Wayne, do you love me?” she asked, in a flirtatious tone, though she was eager to hear the answer.

   Wayne was surprised by the question. And yet, this was the perfect moment for his plan to come true. He was afraid, but he wouldn’t be able to do that at any other point. He glanced around quick and saw Hannah followed by John arriving back to the area. It was the perfect moment. He cleared his throat.

   “Nana… I’m trying not to sound like a cliché, but I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve told girls before that I love them”, why did I say that, he thought to himself, “but I don’t think I’ve ever been meant it until now. I love you. I love you and I want to share my life with you, I can’t stand the idea of losing you. I know you’re going, I’m not happy about it, but you could go anywhere you wanted if I knew that somehow you’ll end up with me again. So I got this idea, and man, I’m so afraid I’ll get rejected but I’ll have to say this now. Nana, you lovely woman, will you marry me?”

   There should’ve been an awkward silence, but apparently most of the party-goers had noticed nothing. The only people that realised what was going on were Hannah and John, now standing with their jaws open and waiting for the answer seeming exactly as impatient as Wayne, who was looking like he could explode.

   Nana said nothing for a while. She had suddenly perfectly sobered up. She tried to think clearly. Why had Wayne destroyed the mood she was in? Should she be happy? This would be an important decision, and she couldn’t believe he had asked this in front of everyone and terribly drunk. At least she thought he was drunk.

   “Are you drunk, Wayne?”

   “Answer me. Please”

   “I have to know my facts. Are you drunk? Would you even slightly consider saying something like this if you were sober?”

   “You asked me if I loved you. I do”

   “It’s not the same thing. This is a big decision, here, and you’re drunk”

   “Nana…” he took her by her hands, “I know I’m drunk, but I’m also serious. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, okay? And this might be my last chance to say that to you. I’m scared, you might find a man and I don’t think I could live with that”

   “Wayne…”

   “Please, Nana”

   “I love you. I love you so much”

   “Then say yes”

   “I can’t answer that right now. Don’t you realise this is the worst timing?”

   Wayne turned around hanging his head. Hannah ran to Nana.

   “I think we need to talk. Now”

   They walked together towards the hostel from the beach. It was clear they didn’t want to be followed.

   “We’re not good at this, don’t you think?” John said to Wayne. He smiled unhappily as an answer.

   “No, I think we are not. Not with those two beautiful girls, who could just walk away anytime and laugh at us”

   The party mood was over from both of the boys. This was the point Thomas decided to start crying.

   “What’s wrong, Thomas?” John was right by his side.

   “It’s not that Alice would’ve been the girl of my dreams, I mean, I barely knew her, and, I don’t know… But I can’t be happy about this, not about anything, because she’s there, ruining my mood, I can see her with that horrible man… Why just in the beginning of a trip? Why now? I’m afraid it’ll set the whole mood of this year, and I can’t go home, and I’m just going to hate her and this and it’s a year wasted!”

   “It’s not like that, Thomas. It might take time, but you’ll get rid of her, at some point. It just takes time”

   “But I don’t want it to take time! I want to be happy, and forget, and not to think about her the whole time!”

   “Life doesn’t work that way, Thomas. You’ll have to take the opportunities that are given to you. Sometimes life works, sometimes it doesn’t, but that’s just how it goes”

   “But why now? Why for me?”

   “I don’t know, Thomas, I’m sorry. There, there, just cry. It’ll be fine”

   Meanwhile, the girls had made it to their room, which was empty with both of the others being at the party.

   “So, Wayne proposed and you said no. Can you explain?” Hannah started.

   “I don’t know where it came from! First we were having fun, just like usually, and the next thing he’s there asking me to marry him. I asked him if he loved me, but I wasn’t even sure what the answer was going to be, and next he’s there asking me to be his forever! He’s way too drunk to be taken seriously, that’s for sure”

   “I think I’ve missed a lot, since I haven’t actually heard it from you that you are seeing each other”

   “Well, we’ve been seeing each other, for about a week now! Isn’t it ridiculous? It’s been three weeks since we met and a week since that one party, where you and that guy with the locks hooked up and me and Wayne sort of found each other. I mean, it’s been good, he’s good and I like him and all that, and obviously we’ve known each other for a longer period of time…”

   “Have you?”

   “I never told you? We met back when I was a high school kid, went for a road trip with couple of my friends and he was on one of the campgrounds we stayed at. It was all innocent, we kissed but that was it, then we for some reason stayed in touch for all these years, seeing each other once in a while, but this is the first time since that campground evening that we’ve been more than friends. With what logic has he decided I’m the right for him? I barely know that side of him”

   “Still you said you love him?”

   “Yeah, well, during the years there have been moments… I mean, I’ve been thinking how great it would be if we’d be a couple, how perfect we would be for each other. And now that we’ve been together, it’s been like that. But, you know, it’s a dream I’ve built up myself, and the beginning of a relationship, and there’s a lot I don’t know about him yet, and I’m just not a committed type of person!”

   “I think you’re right, he’s a bit early. But maybe he’s been thinking about you too, all these years, and feels like the connection has been building up. Could you guys keep up the relationship, maybe not get married but be committed? I mean, would you like to be with someone else?”

   “No! But… I don’t like commitments”

   “But what difference does it make, if he’s the only person you want to be with?”

   “I… I don’t know. I really, really am too drunk and too tired to really think about this”

   “It’s okay, sweetheart”

   “So, what’s with you and John, then? You stormed back after you had been away mere minutes”, Nana asked after a while of silence.

   “Ah, I have no idea. First we were having fun and then… I think he wants more than just sex…”

   “I told you that in the first place”, Nana interrupted.

   “And I really don’t know what I want. I’m more obsessed with him than I’ve ever been with anyone, Hannah. I can’t get him out of my mind, I can’t sleep, I want to hear his voice and be with him. On the other hand, I’m sure it won’t work. He’s going to be brilliant, and what am I? An old hippie with her future dependant on a slimy Swedish man”

   “You make yourself sound miserable. It’s not like that, I’d say it’s even the other way round. He’s just a first class idiot with a rather sweet smile and a random ideology where you are a full-grown woman who knows her limits and knows the meaning of life is to be happy”

   “But if it’s not that? I feel that when I’ll look back, if I’ll only see partying, men that change every night and part-time jobs, I’ll feel I spent a lifetime doing nothing. I don’t want that to happen, Nana. I don’t want to be miserable about my life”

   “That’s why you should let Karl market your paintings. You’re good in that, that could be your success”

   “Karl? I’m pretty sure he’s after all the benefits he thinks he gets as a patron. If I don’t become his cute little slave, he’ll stop supporting my artistic pursuits rightaway”

   “And then you’ll find a new one. You’ll manage, Hannah, you are already further in your life than most of the people get during their lifetimes”

   “What do you mean? I’ve got no education, no nothing”

   “You have lived. That’s more than most people can say”

   “Geez, Nana, you’re such a cliché”

   They both laughed. It was the tired, still drunken laughter, but it was relieving after what they had gone through before this.

   “Do you think we should get back?”

   “I guess, at least to say good bye. It is our party after all”  

   They went just to find out that the party was still going with full speed, but that the group of people that was closest to them had all gathered serious-looking further of the others. They saw John, Thomas, Wayne and Greg there, hanging their heads and looking miserable. They said goodbye to the others before resoluting to go there as well and try to make up with them before going to bed. They were, after all leaving, and leaving some of these people behind for a long time.

   “What’s wrong with Thomas?” Hannah asked generally as she approached.

   “He’s had problems with a girl”, John answered, “like most of us”

   “John… Can we talk?”

   “Not now. But I’ll be coming to St. Louis anyway, so maybe on the way”

   “Okay. I just hope you’re not mad. I didn’t want to make you mad”

   “Don’t worry, okay?”

   Nana approached Wayne.

   “Wayne? Can I talk to you? I don’t want to leave like this”

   Wayne thought about it for a bit before deciding he would just create bad feelings for everyone including himself if he wouldn’t accept the offer. They moved further away.

   “I’ve been thinking… I’m sorry, I can’t marry you, not now. It’s been too short a time, you must understand it yourself as well”

   “I know, I was stupid, I shouldn’t have fallen for you”

   “No! Don’t say that. What I meant to say was that I’ve dreamed about you once in a while for the past years, and this has been a dream come true, and I’ve been so happy with you that I feel I could continue like this forever”

   “But”

   “But we’ve only been a couple, a real couple, for little over a week. It’s not enough. However, I’m not enthusiastic about losing you either. What would you think if we’d just keep this relationship as it is? I mean, I’m not extremely fond of long-distance, but I think it could work, we could make it work. I don’t want to break up with you, Wayne, nor be with anyone else”

   “Nana…”
   “Please. I love you, Wayne, I think I’ve loved you for years now”

   “I love you, Nana. And I agree. Let’s try to keep it up. But I’ll be devastated if you’ll leave me with a text or something because of some dickhead who just happens to be around when I’m not”

   “I won’t. Promise me you won’t run after every pretty babe on the beach… or any of them, preferably”

   “It’s a deal. Now, kiss me, okay?”

   They kissed. The night was definitely done for all of them, so they went to bed, Nana and Wayne to the same one and everyone else to their own, though John was regretting his decision a bit. Why couldn’t he just have fun?

 

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