John woke up and for a while didn’t remember where he was. He was cold and uncomfortable, felt sand all over himself. He opened his eyes and saw the sky, and remembered. But Hannah was not there, she must’ve sneaked out while he was still sleeping. Probably regretted what had happened. John did not regret, right now it felt like it had been the greatest night of his life. The only thing that was wrong was that he couldn’t wake up holding that beautiful girl.

   A shadow passed him. He looked to his left and saw a man with a dog walk by less than ten feet away from him, looking at him with a knowing smile. Only then did he realise it was full day and the sun was shining and he was lying there naked for all the world to see. All his clothes were soaking wet in a pile next to him. Great. He pulled them on, shivering from the cold while doing that. When he was leaving he noticed something had been written to the ground. It was four words, carefully carved to the sand far away enough from the waterline so that they wouldn’t be washed off by a wave.

   This Is My Life.

   Hannah had woken up by her inner alarm and left to cook breakfast, leaving the boy to experience a blow to his dignity. He would learn it’s not so important. She had glanced at him before she left and felt a surge of a gentle feeling rush through her. This guy who was so proud yet so vulnerable, so inexperienced yet so able and good-bodied, and so aware of the decisions that had made him who he was, just like she knew herself. She knew she had blown his mind and knew he would search for her later, and she was happy about that. Now that she could see the weakness within, he was actually quite charming.

   She went in and changed to dry clothes without running into anyone. She saw Nana was not sleeping in her bed and realised the night must’ve carried her and Wayne away just like it had carried away Hannah and John. It wasn’t surprising, they had had something coming for a long time already and Hannah was actually pretty sure this was not the first time. She was happy that this way Nana couldn’t have realised she hadn’t slept in her room, because for some reason she was afraid she might not appreciate her sleeping with John. Something was different with this guy than with all the earlier guys Nana had seen her with. Hannah knew there was something different, but she also knew she could handle it. Nana worried for nothing.

   Wayne and Nana woke up at the same time and lay in bed for a while before Nana urged they’d go get breakfast. Wayne tried to keep her in bed, but she resisted.

   “We have all the time in the world. We can come back. But I will never skip a free breakfast”

   The hostel breakfast was a significant ceremony, especially after nights like this. Everyone went there in order to see that everyone else was still around, and looked for signs of hook-ups, guilt or other interesting things that would only show for the vulnerable time of the morning. Nana knew this and she also knew that Hannah had left with John. Did they come back? it would be typical of Hannah to sleep with a person she had met on the same day, but poor, innocent John shouldn’t be dragged into this. And she wasn’t only worried about John. There was a danger that his innocence and his ignorance of the ways of this world would make Hannah more attached to him than she had been to the guys who were far more attractive but also knew the rules of no strings. Nana was fine with those guys, even though she once in a while tried to persuade Hannah to give up her habit of one night stands. This was, however, way worse: Hannah and John were from different worlds and their life together could never work.

   On her way to the kitchen Nana ran into John. His looks showed everything – he had sand in his hair and crumpled, wet clothes on. He looked a bit ashamed as he walked past Nana, barely lifting his glance into her eyes enough to show he had noticed her. Nana shook her head and walked to the kitchen, which was already full of the normal buzz of the hostel guests with new experiences and way too little sleep. Hannah was cooking, as always, but she finished exactly when Nana made it to her. Nana had perfected her timing during these weeks.

   They took breakfast and coffee and sat to the table.

   “Do you want to talk now or later?” Nana confronted her friend right away.

   “Yeah, you were not sleeping in your bed last night, do you want to explain?” Hannah acted ignorant, but they both knew what Nana was talking about.

   “John is not a good idea. Not for you, not for him. You should tell him it was just that one night, before it gets too serious”

   “It’s not going to get too serious. I can handle my men, okay? Besides, you keep telling me I shouldn’t have one-night stands. Shouldn’t you be happy?”

   “He doesn’t know this world…”

   “…and he wanted to learn it, I just granted him his wish. And I like that boy”

   “That’s what I’m worried about. It’s different than usually, am I not right in that?”

   “Yes, it’s different. I know he’ll come seek me today, and I have nothing against it. The next night will be even better”

   John didn’t appear to the breakfast, which surprised both of the girls. After it they left to the beach, as usually, Hannah planning to paint and Nana with a copy of One Day, a relatively new cute novel. She didn’t return to Wayne, they had created this style of friends-during-the-day, lovers-during-the-night already a week ago when they had ended up together for the first time and it was working well so far. She saw Hannah was waiting for John to come to the beach, but he didn’t come. She didn’t understand what had happened – she had been just as sure as Hannah that John would come and get her, claiming his love or something else as stupid. But they didn’t see a glimpse of him.

   John had changed hic clothes as soon as he had made it to his room. He had planned to go to get breakfast when his phone rang. It was Thomas.

   “Can you come and meet me at the bus station? Right now? I don’t know what to do…” he sounded like he hadn’t slept during the whole night and John was sure he had been crying. He didn’t hesitate, Hannah could wait, she probably didn’t even want to see him anyway. Whereas Thomas, who already felt more like a little brother than someone he had met just a few days ago, was clearly in trouble.

   “What is it?” he asked when he saw Thomas sitting at the bus station with his backpack on the chair next to him.

   “Alice… I really liked her, you know? She is so cute, good-looking and a great person”

   “What did she do, then? She seemed to be so much into you”

   “I thought so too. But then… I had decided I’d come here, and I asked her if she would like to come as well, you know, for the rest of the time she’s here, before she would fly home. She got mad, I don’t know why. We left separately from the café we were in and when I went to the beach that night I saw her lying on the top of some big muscular Asian man, way older than her. We never had sex, but she was definitely planning to do that with that brute”

   “Then she just didn’t realise your worth”

   “I know, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I really, really liked her and wouldn’t have hurt her. He will do that, I’m sure”

   “Don’t worry about her, you owe her nothing”

   “Could we do something now, I’m fed up with women? Something that doesn’t include a beach, I don’t really want to lie on a beach and see all the couples”

   “Umm, I haven’t really done anything else here than been to the beach, you probably know better than me what there is to do”

   “There is supposed to be a really nice old town, could we go there?”

   “Sure. We need a bus, and do you want to drop your backpack to the hostel first”

   “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Thanks for doing this, I’m sure you’d have better company than me”

   John thought about Hannah but knew he shouldn’t mention her to Thomas. They would have to hate all the women in the world together for a while before Thomas could handle any positive romantic experiences. He wasn’t sure whether he even wanted to tell Thomas. He was pretty sure it would all come up to nothing and he didn’t want to hype it too much to anyone if it was not actually going to happen.

   They went to the hostel to see Nana and Hannah walking up from the beach at the same moment. John was just going to walk past them, but Hannah greeted him so happily he felt it was his duty to introduce the people.

   “Thomas, here are Nana and Hannah. Nana, Hannah, this is Thomas, my old friend, he’ll be staying here for a while as well” As coldly as possible he walked away from the girls to go to the reception with Thomas.

   “Now what was that?” Nana wondered.

   “I have no idea”, Hannah said. She felt disappointed. She had thought she had been an exciting, new person to John, and had thought he would like to continue their friendship and probably also renew the night they had experienced, but now he seemed he only just remembered who she was. She had, after all, already suffered for his sake. Karl had come to the beach and asked her about John.

   “So, do you like that arrogant British kid?”

   “Why? I like many people”

   “I don’t want you to fall for him. You’re so much more than he deserves”

   “I’m not falling for him, but even if I were, it wouldn’t really be your problem, would it?”

   “I only care for you and your art. That boy is going to put you in a mould and shape you to become as he wishes”

   “I can take care of myself, thank you. You’re not, after all, my father or anything”

   He had obviously been annoyed. Now Hannah regretted her words – if John didn’t want anything more to do with her, why should she give up her big chance, as Nana put it, for that boy?

   “I think I’ll call Karl. I’ll meet up with him tomorrow to discuss that gallery”

   “Finally”, Nana smiled. There was a chance this John-incident would become beneficial instead of disastrous she had apprehended. 

   John and Thomas had a good time exploring the beautiful, if a bit touristy, old town of San Diego. When they returned to the hostel it was already late and everyone had gone to the beach or to sleep. John was tired for the lack of sleep from the night before and Thomas was tired from the travelling and the grief, so they both decided to go to sleep immediately. For a while John lay awake thinking about Hannah. He knew he had acted the right way. Hannah was an adventurer, she wouldn’t want to renew anything they had done, probably she was already in the arms of some other man. The thought stung a bit but he just tried to ignore it.

   Hannah lay awake swearing to herself. Why didn’t she forget the way she always did? 

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